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it's funny because it's true.. "a small hatchet concealed in her muff" posted by: publius 16:09 7.30.10 "a small hatchet concealed in her muff..." posted by: publius 16:04 7.30.10 errrr.... posted by: publius 16:22 6.21.10 "....like they're taking a sunset stroll..." few things make me as homicidal... posted by: publius 16:21 6.21.10 as the oblivious folks (not always tourists, but usually) who walk on the streets of manhattan like their taking a sunset stroll along the beach... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKx0aek1T0w the new president of nigeria... posted by: publius 10:38 5.6.10 is named "goodluck jonathan"... http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/may/06/goodluck-jonathan-nigeria-president kevin smith vs. southwest airlines, or... posted by: publius 21:48 2.14.10 enraged famous fat guy on twitter = pr disaster... you are now free to move about the country...unless you happen to fall into the "customer of size" category... http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/feb/15/overweight-filmmaker-banned-southwest-airlines $1m dollars... posted by: publius 14:23 1.4.10 gets you a child with vincent gallo... best part of this article? "Mr Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration." what a hilarious assortment of examples of "that type of integration". franco harris. love it. http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2010/jan/04/vincent-gallo-sperm and on vince's very own site... http://www.vgmerchandise.com/store/pages.php?pageid=4 billy corgan is pretty much despised in chicago... posted by: simplicissimus 15:30 12.9.09 i always thought people were too tough on him, but man this is hard to take seriously: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20325969,00.html burns for mayor! posted by: publius 14:48 12.5.09 if the latest nyc mayoral race were determined by write-in candidates alone, montgomery burns would now be gotham's fearless leader.. http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/12/05/simpsons-billionaire-gets-most-write-in-votes-in-nyc-mayor-race/ will aol finally die now? posted by: publius 09:55 11.25.09 http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/pda/2009/nov/23/digital-media-aol-reactions-to-new-logo colonel sanders and international diplomacy posted by: publius 10:09 11.5.09 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6444738/KFCs-Colonel-Sanders-tricks-his-way-into-UN-to-pose-for-official-photo.html now, the article clearly falls for the colonel's cunning ruse, because as everyone is well aware... ___________________ well, it's a well known fact, sonny jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in colorado, known as the meadows. so who's in this pentavirate? the queen, the vatican, the gettys, the rothschilds, *and* colonel sanders before he went tits up. oh, I hated the colonel with his wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! ohhhhh!" dad, how can you hate "the colonel"? because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass! Ice Skating Bear Kills Russian Circus Hand posted by: camdolphin 14:08 10.23.09 http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/10/23/russia.skating.bear.death/index.html feral child! posted by: publius 11:14 10.8.09 this kid is my new hero... http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/08/washington.barefoot.burglar/index.html and the best bit? apparently nigel was wrong and you CAN dust for vomit... "Harris-Moore has not been charged in any of the plane thefts. But authorities are testing vomit found in the cockpit of one plane to see whether they can place the teen inside." good to see that donald rumsfeld.. posted by: publius 06:46 8.31.09 has a new job... quote from the local police chief in the killing of 8 people in georgia: "We are not looking for any known suspects. That doesn't say that there are no suspects. They're just not known to us." http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/08/30/georgia.killings/index.html mos def posted by: publius 00:43 8.24.09 "nobody's home....nobody's home..." and of course... "ya gotta wait for the beep...wait for the beep..." classics of the genre...such as it was... somebody, anybody.. posted by: simplicissimus 23:14 8.23.09 please tell me you remember this: here's a hint, before you watch: WAIT FOR THE BEEP! YA GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NAME, GOTTA LEAVE YOUR NUMBER ... WAIT FOR THE BEEP! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciScVUK3zMI the muff quote posted by: isidorus 22:57 8.19.09 was definitely hand picked by an editor who shares your appreciation for the absurd. great find. lost in translation? posted by: publius 13:01 8.11.09 certainly this is case of 1914 slang being a bit different than that of today, but in this article about a recent louvre-goer's attempt to deface the mona lisa, we learn this: "In 1914, the militant suffragette Mary Richardson attacked Velázquez's Rokeby Venus in London's National Gallery as a protest against the arrest of her fellow suffragette Emmeline Pankhurst. She entered the gallery and slashed the painting with 'a small hatchet that had been concealed in her muff,' according to the New York Times, which reported the incident the following day." say it with me: A SMALL HATCHET CONCEALED IN HER MUFF the mind, truly, reels... "without thinking... posted by: publius 16:49 6.30.09 ...i slapped her on the butt." http://www.silive.com/eastshore/index.ssf/2009/06/man_arrested_for_slapping_woma.html wait... posted by: simplicissimus 15:38 6.26.09 they clearly need to spend more time of "atheletics", too. futball four gawd posted by: publius 14:16 6.26.09 So there is an article in today’s NYT about a football team for home schooled kids. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/26/sports/football/26football.html One of the images with the article is this one…. http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/06/25/sports/0626-FOOTBALL_index.html Looks like maybe they should spend a little more time on “acedemics” since banks... posted by: publius 17:33 6.10.09 are run by a vast jewish cabal, it certainly makes sense to keep all of your money in your mattress...even if you are israeli...you know how shifty those jewish bankers can be... http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jun/10/million-dollar-mattress-thrown-away james "super bowl hero" harrison... posted by: publius 17:26 5.18.09 will not be going to the white house with the super bowl champion steelers...not because he has a political issue with obama, but because, as he says... ____________ "This is how I feel -- if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, [Obama] would've invited Arizona if they had won." _____________ well...yes, james, that is the way it works. win the super bowl, get a white house invite...i mean, i can understand your point of view...why wouldn't the president of the united states make it a regular policy to invite the pittsburgh over to the white house? i'm sure they (collectively) have many insights on foreign policy, the economy and the tuck rule.... is james harrison related to ochocinco? http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/football/nfl/05/18/harrison-obama/index.html so...he likes the new honda hybrid?` posted by: publius 14:51 5.18.09 below is a link to a hilarious review of the new honda hybrid. the article is by jeremy clarkson (same jeremy clarkson who called gordon brown a one-eyed scottish idiot...see post from 2.6.09 below...) http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article6294116.ece?print=yes Find my a linguist posted by: mrbuckles 20:43 5.14.09 What's the spanish for dipshit? A friggin' typo - too rich posted by: spacehippie 19:02 5.14.09 Chad Johnson went through all kinds of chazarai with the NFL last year to have his jersey read "Ocho Cinco", even going to the length of changing his legal name to do it. How's that workin' out for you now, Mr. Ochocinco? http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4167420 "tit tax" posted by: publius 10:12 5.8.09 love it... http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2009/may/08/marks-and-spencer-bras-facebook somehow... posted by: publius 17:06 4.24.09 i doubt the world would be that much worse off if genius here had actually in succeeded in the suicide he was faking... http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/04/24/us/AP-ODD-Bridge-Fall.html?_r=2 damned "loose women" .... posted by: publius 17:41 4.23.09 these wwii era posters warning our pure, innocent fighting lads about the dangers of "loose women" are hilarious... http://www.flickr.com/photos/medicalmuseum/sets/72157614213926219/ i particularly love the only slightly phallic imagery in this one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/medicalmuseum/3300107484/in/set-72157614213926219/ i hear they're also asking brian wilson.... posted by: publius 09:15 4.10.09 to rename his album "wild animals in their natural environment sounds"..... http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/10/peta.pet.shop.boys/index.html cyclops posted by: publius 15:33 2.6.09 jeremy clarkson, a tv presenter in england, is under fire for referring to prime minister gordon brown as a "one-eyed scottish idiot". now that's a funny line. although i thought it scanned better as it appeared in the teaser to the article, "scottish one-eyed idiot". word order matters. http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/feb/06/jeremy-clarkson-gordon-brown-insult you would think... posted by: publius 14:32 1.21.09 that natural selection would have gotten around extincting the species squirrelus flambidicus by now... ________________________ Firefighters: Flaming Squirrel To Blame In Jones Wildfire http://www.koco.com/cnn-news/18530377/detail.html "this is joe the plumber... posted by: publius 09:18 1.8.09 ...reporting LIVE from the gaza strip..." http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/01/08/joe-the-plumber-headed-to-middle-east/ Bill Murray - ghost and house party fancier posted by: ludwig 11:12 12.9.08 http://www.nypost.com/pagesixmag/issues/20081207/Bill+Murray+NYCs+New+Party+Boy I guess he doesn't have custody of the kids . . . There's gonna be a rumble tonight... posted by: rahoohl_dewk 10:51 12.9.08 http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122878081364889613.html At Chuck E Cheese... "Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform." welsh posted by: publius 14:05 11.1.08 welsh people are silly... http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2008/nov/01/5 sasha fierce posted by: publius 11:31 10.23.08 http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081023/en_nm/us_beyonce_2 i wonder if this will work out as well for beyonce as the chris gaines alter ego did for garth brooks... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Gaines 85 posted by: publius 22:19 9.10.08 so chad johnson legally changes his last name to "ocho cinco"...makes sense if you know anything about chad johnson... but the ensuing clusterfuck between johnson/ocho cinco, the nfl and reebok is just to hilarious for words... http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/It-ll-cost-mucho-dinero-for-Chad-Ochocinco-to-sw?urn=nfl,106605 something about this just seems ironic to me... posted by: simplicissimus 10:41 8.27.08 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080827/ap_on_re_as/dalai_lama the broken celebtiry theory posted by: publius 18:26 7.31.08 la police chief bratton extemporizing on how the behavior of tabloid darlings in recent months has made policing the papparazzi in his city easier... "'If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue,' Bratton told KNBC-TV." http://edition.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/07/31/police.chief.paparazzi.ap/index.html Nazi sex redux posted by: camdolphin 16:21 7.27.08 Striking a blow for rich people who hire prostitutes, Mosley has won his suit against the tabloids reporting his private nazi fantasies. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-britain-sex-trial_25jul25,0,4154428.story there is nothing new... posted by: publius 00:47 7.1.08 under the sun... http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/24/AR2008062401153.html No! You Will Answer The Question! posted by: simplicissimus 17:58 6.27.08 Hot Sluts, Blind People, Crumbs, Student Loan Bills and Democratic Congressmen: What's not to love about a mix like that? http://www.pushback.org/2008/06/26/conservative-obstructionism-or-eight-grade-pranksters-extraordinaire/ But it may be memorable because it is a lie. . . posted by: prankmonkey 15:56 6.27.08 interesting read. Explains a lot (IMHO). Say it enough, our brains decide it is true - but forget specifically where they heard it. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/27/opinion/27aamodt.html?th&emc=th taylormarsh.com gets hacked... posted by: publius 10:18 6.13.08 taylormarsh.com was one of the batshit clinton supporter sites, but after clinton dropped out apparently they've gotten behind obama. in any case, someone out there doesn't like them, as they were well and truly hacked this morning... go here: http://www.taylormarsh.com and wait a few seconds once the page begins to load...you should probably do it now, as it's likely to get fixed soon, one would think... i love it when hb gets all und posted by: simplicissimus 17:34 5.6.08 to quote that stupid, annoying electronics (?) commerical where the 4 guys are around the cheesy 70s van with the sorcerer on the side (which, god's honest truth, always makes me think of squisshy for some unknown reason): "WWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIZARD!" i lost my last job for similar posted by: horsebeater 16:25 5.6.08 http://www.local6.com/news/16169506/detail.html Throw your tea set in the air posted by: rahoohl_dewk 12:26 4.23.08 http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/23/gangsta.granny.ap/index.html LAKE WORTH, Florida (AP) -- A Florida teenager faces a charge of elder abuse alleging he made his senile grandmother wear a black mask and hold a handgun for a video he made. Police in Lake Worth, Florida, say the 85-year-old woman is seen and heard on the video threatening to shoot "all the pigs." Authorities say 18-year-old Michael Alfinez was arrested Monday and charged with abusing an elderly person, discharging a firearm in public and improper exhibition of a dangerous weapon. Palm Beach County sheriff's detectives seized the video during a traffic stop in January. The teen's mother says it's all just a misunderstanding. if anyone is interested... posted by: publius 10:56 4.18.08 i'll sell you the waldorf astoria for the bargain basement price of $100M...just get me $2M as a deposit and the hotel is yours...oh yeah, just wire the money to my associate in nigeria.... http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/18/ritz.fraud/index.html nazi sex revisited... posted by: publius 17:33 4.14.08 this doesn't quite go in this thread, except for the tie-in to the post from 4.4.08 above... there is a movie at the film forum in new york right now called "stalags". the description: “It was one of Israel’s dirty little secrets. In the early 1960s, as Israelis were being exposed for the first time to the shocking testimonies of Holocaust survivors at the trial of Adolf Eichmann, a series of pornographic pocket books called Stalags, based on Nazi themes, became best sellers throughout the land... The books told perverse tales of captured American or British pilots being abused by sadistic female SS officers outfitted with whips and boots. The plot usually ended with the male protagonists taking revenge, by raping and killing their tormentors... The Stalags, a peculiar Hebrew concoction of Nazism, sex and violence, are re-emerging in the public eye.” – Isabel Kershner, The New York Times (Sept. 6, 07). and check out book covers... http://www.filmforum.org/films/stalags.html this story is great... posted by: publius 12:29 4.14.08 in so many ways... http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2008/apr/14/dolphin.swim you sort of have to feel for the guys (while maintaining at least a suspicion that they actually were harrassing "dave" - drunk brits are not always the most trustworthy of souls). i mean, you're drunk, you go for a swim, a dolphin comes up to you, you splash around with it for a bit, and all of a sudden you're arrested. i have to say it's a good thing i don't live by a body of water with friendly dolphins.... perhaps even funnier than the mental image of this scene is the vet's claim that "if dolphins become too familiar with humans they could become unpredictable and dangerous and even make sexual advances." now that would be truly hilarious. drunken men go swimming and get raped by dolphin named dave. oh.... posted by: simplicissimus 12:30 4.5.08 i'm not the least bit offended about the nazi aspect, even if it is true. and i think those that are need to get a life. i mean, really, there's plenty about nazis that scream fetish -- in fact, you could say that about the whole damn movement with its worship of young, lithe, blond men, love of uniforms and leather boots, etc. etc. -- beyond the whole jew killing thing. i'd be pretty bummed if that angle somehow makes this a bigger deal. i'm just saying i'm fascinated by how one would pick up that partiular fetish along the way, that's all. though i did read somewhere that his dad was a fascist british politician in the 30s...which, again, doesn't make this guy a nazi - though i imagine this may have something to do with how the particular "interest" was planted in his head. i saw this a few days ago.... posted by: publius 01:28 4.5.08 being at least a passive f1 fan these days... i'm willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt because exactly what he is being accused of is so mind-boggingly hard to even begin to understand (even given the incomprehensibility of the range of human sexuality) and there is nothing on the record which directly backs up the news of the world's (the british tabloid which "broke the story") claims... re-read what was stated in the article linked to above (knowing that the press will include the most salacious details it can to pump it story...) he didn't say a think about nazis or jews or death camps or anything else which would qualify him as having a monstrous internal life which, when brought out into the world, qualifies as refpreshensible. he may have spoken german. he may have been "inspected"...who knows what the hell happened since the video doesn't seem to be available anymore... what we do know is, based on available evidence: the news of the world, one of the most tabloidesque british tabloids published a story saying that the guy was involved in a nazi-esque sex orgy. the words "nazi" and "orgy" hit the wire, and the world press goes bonkers. what we don't know is how much of this is true. the guy admits to his tryst with multiple "ladies of leisure", but claims that all of the nazi talk is nonsense. given the lack of anything resembling a smoking gun (a mauser, one would assume), and knowing what i know of the news of the world, i'm inclined to believe the guy, (despite the fact that he is the son of the founder of the british union of fascists).... maybe i'm wrong. maybe the guy really does get off on auschwitz fanstasies. even if that is the case, he has the right to his warped world...he just should have been smart enough not to let a video camera in his vacinity. but knowing nothing more than what is publicly available, i'll choose pretty much any individual person over the news of the world until i see irrefutable evidence that the news of the world is right. nazi sex posted by: simplicissimus 17:52 4.4.08 i read something like this, and all i can wonder is how exactly does one get from Point A (a newborn baby) to Point B (using 4 hookers to engage in a "nazi death camp" sex fantasy). http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1728032,00.html human sexuality is sure as hell one crazy-ass thing. "look....twelve dead snakes... posted by: publius 09:52 4.2.08 http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/04/02/australia.toads.ap/index.html where to put this post? posted by: publius 00:57 3.13.08 "it's funny because it's true?. that works. "ridiculous article titles"? ditto. a new thread called "it's funny because it's ridiculously true"? that would work too... ________________________ Woman stuck on toilet for two years, police say Story Highlights 35-year-old woman's skin had grown around the lid of the toilet, police say Official: Toilet seat had to be pried off her body, seat went with her to hospital Boyfriend claims he bought food, water to girlfriend who refused to leave bathroom Police found woman with pants at mid-thigh, disoriented, legs atrophied WICHITA, Kansas (AP) -- Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years. Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital. "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it." Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend. "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself." He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom. "And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom." The boyfriend called police on February 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call. Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said. She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators. Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled. Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number. The case has been the buzz Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor. "I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said. Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years. He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there. "It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said of the bathroom incident. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier." _____________________________ and lest you think i found this on some random ripley's believe it or not type site...no, kind sirs...this was on the home page of cnn... http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/03/12/woman.stuck.on.toilet.ap/index.html i had no idea this was a "tren posted by: publius 11:59 2.26.08 it says something very disturbing about american society...exactly what i'm not sure, but i am sure that whatever it is, it's disturbing. overweight and live in chicago posted by: hlk_rumsey 11:50 2.26.08 become a matador. http://www.nba.com/bulls/dance/matadors.html I would have auditioned, but this guy already stole my bit... http://tinyurl.com/23f865 overweight? posted by: publius 10:32 2.26.08 male? like to cheer? live in florida? become a florida marlins manatee.... http://florida.marlins.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080225&content_id=2389612&vkey=news_fla&fext=.jsp&c_id=fla It goes both ways... posted by: spacehippie 22:34 2.23.08 http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/ and this gem.... posted by: publius 12:58 2.23.08 from the above blog, is for simplicissimus, who i am sure will enjoy to its full potential...and i get to enjoy yet another occasion to bring up the long-standing silly-season (thanks, barack) beween us in relation to jim croce... http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/27/30-wrigley-field/ must give credit where credit posted by: publius 12:55 2.23.08 this was sent to me by jackboot... as my youngest brother would say, "white people...." http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/ some of my favorites (in the first few pages) that separate this from the kind of list any black comedian working at any comedy club in any city is likely to come up with: mos def study abroad bicycles expensive sandwiches juno (note: this movie is the forest gump of 2007, in case you haven't seen it) irony arts degrees etc.... drunken softball followed by o posted by: publius 10:34 2.12.08 in prison! best quote: "I cannot explain how big an obsession softball had become" http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/02/11/prison.boss/index.html it's not often posted by: squisshy 14:30 1.29.08 one sees a picture that ridiculous associated with a headline that sobering. photo i wish i took, or funny posted by: simplicissimus 12:41 1.29.08 i have no idea. but i love it: http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-5murder.6246214jan26,0,6530536.story um, can we... posted by: simplicissimus 14:42 1.26.08 turn that one act about "Atheists as a majority" into a major production. pathos, irony, grace, humor: it's all there. and while i know it isn't fair to cherry pick from anyone, i'll go a little further: i'm not even sure these comments are real. 100 best funadmentalist quotes posted by: publius 13:46 1.26.08 granted, if you trolled the blogosphere looking for moronic quotes by any particular group of people on any topic you could easily compile a similar list...but since someone took the time to compile this one... http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:http%3A//www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx%3Farchive%3D1 best. quote. ever. posted by: publius 13:39 1.23.08 from the wikipedia link above... "So, before leading my troops into battle, we would get drunk and drugged up, sacrifice a local teenager, drink their blood, then strip down to our shoes and go into battle wearing colourful wigs and carrying dainty purses we'd looted from civilians. We'd slaughter anyone we saw, chop their heads off and use them as soccer balls. We were nude, fearless, drunk and homicidal. We killed hundreds of people — so many I lost count." there have been nights when i have been nude, fearless, drunk and homicidal (granted, in a more abstract way) as well...at one point or another i could even see dainty purses and wigs having been involved....but then there's the whole human sacrifice, blood drinking and using heads as soccer balls bit...for most people, it's not question of ever crossing that line...it's a question of never even imagining that such a line exists... which is, i think, as it should be. true dat... posted by: publius 13:34 1.23.08 and since this story pretty much demands photos... http://www.endtimee.bravehost.com/ dude... posted by: simplicissimus 13:01 1.23.08 this guy is the poster child for the incredible depravity, bizareness, absurdity, and insanity that was the Liberian civil war. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Blahyi#_note-10 seriously, if you had a round robin of the most bat-shit crazy, fucked up moments in world history, i truly believe that the Liberian civil war would come out number 1. while reading the post is bad. posted by: publius 00:44 1.23.08 (see my post (hah!) from today in the patriots thread) they do carry stories like this, which almost make it worthwhile... "January 22, 2008 -- MONROVIA, Liberia - One of Liberia's most notorious rebel commanders, known as "Gen. Butt Naked" for charging into battle wearing only boots, has returned to confess his role in terrorizing the nation, saying he is responsible for 20,000 deaths." they had me at the fact that he's known as "general butt naked" and used to go to battle wearing only boots...if i were a liberian warlord, i'd like to think that i would have the god-given sense to follow suit... http://www.nypost.com/seven/01222008/news/worldnews/rebel_leaders_naked_truth_520276.htm i don't know if it's funny... posted by: simplicissimus 11:44 12.22.07 ...but it is true. and i'm pretty sure it's ironic, as well. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22360485/?GT1=10645 bonus: it happened in the home town of the simplimother. and from what i understand, dude and his company basically saved the entire place from shrivelling up and blowing away. never did a post posted by: squisshy 18:13 12.14.07 fit more squarely within the thread title. thompson campaign, i salute you: it *is* funny because it *is* true. nice catch, publius. you know... posted by: simplicissimus 18:10 12.14.07 i remember hearing about how he had a trophy wife, and for whatever reason i have no recollection of ever seeing a closeup photograph of her. my god, can you imagine if this woman was our first lady? she may be smart, they may be in love...all fine. but, jesus, she looks like the women you see hanging out south of rush and division on the weekends...looking for a richer husband. i'm pretty sure she's had some surgery, too: http://blogs4brownback.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/fredthompson_jmccarth_8441278.jpg just caught a few minutes... posted by: publius 17:49 12.14.07 of hardball with chris matthews (god that show is shrill). however he mentioned a question the candidates were recently asked, about their favorite possession. obama: picture of oaho where his mothers ashes are scattered giuliana: grandfathers pocket watch thompson: trophy wife http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jjlPXCIEskuJPnLjdmppNryd2csQD8TGQKT00 it would appear posted by: publius 19:11 10.27.07 that maxim magazine and i agree on something.. http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-sarahjessicaparkermaximunsexiest,0,1837957.story i've got to put this somewhere posted by: squisshy 15:55 10.24.07 i'm sorry, but i've been loving these so much, and the past two were so comical, that i had to share with the fort. might as well be here. http://www.avclub.com/content/blog/my_year_of_flops_case_file_78 http://www.avclub.com/content/blog/my_year_of_flops_case_file_77_home i also highly recommend the batman & robin and catwoman entries. the alt-nobel prize for litera posted by: publius 11:56 10.15.07 it's pretty shocking, looking back through the nobel prize winners for literature, how many people who clearly should have won the award did not. and the "yeah but hindsight is 20/20" argument doesn't really work very well with the nobel, as it's really like a lifetime achievement award. this alternative reality list really is funny because it's true. granted, some of the aternate universe picks are off the rails (tolkein and rowling spring to mind - both enormously popular, neither one a very good writer), many more are not only creditable, but shocking that that person never did win (james joyce, franz kafka, rainer maria rilke, philip roth (though he will win it one year), etc.). i also like some of the whimsical yet also perfectly justified choices. bob dylan for instance. if you can give the award to a non-writer joker like dario fo, you can certainly award it to dylan. at its worst, of course, this list turns into nothing but a popularity contest based on the current moment in time. and it reveals the author's biases. taking the nobel prize away from either derek wolcott or seamus heaney is indefensible, but it seems to fit with the selector's general under/non appreciation of poetry. because poets (at least the good ones) very rarely sell a lot of books or have much in the way of popular name recognition. in any case, it makes for amusing reading, as these sorts of lists always do... http://www.greatbooksguide.com/nobel2.html i love college students... posted by: simplicissimus 15:23 10.11.07 really, i think this whole "first blush" of political, social, moral, academic (semi-) freedom is a pretty cool thing. and they have a lot of energy. the world is littered with 18-22 year olds that could learn me a thing or two on all sorts of things. but i can say this with utter certainty: those 18-22 year olds i speak of are not of the "go straight to college and have my college years" variety. don't get me wrong. drinking beer, smoking dope, playing video games, hooking up, eating shit, watching bad tv, and skipping class is a wonderful way to spend 4 years. but engaging in this behavior (as i, and everyone i know, did) also means that you have nothing to add, let alone teach me, when it comes to the weightier issues of the day. though, truth be told, i'd love nothing more than to have an 18 year old ... who vaugely remembers 911 and remembers nothing of life before then ... tell me all the things i "just don't understand" about the world and how it works. this ain't "take back the nigh posted by: publius 14:56 10.11.07 coming soon to a college campus near you...islamo-fascism awareness week!... "The purpose of this protest is as simple as it is crucial: to confront the two Big Lies of the political left: that George Bush created the war on terror and that Global Warming is a greater danger to Americans than the terrorist threat. " http://www.terrorismawareness.org/islamo-fascism/49/a-students-guide-to-hosting-islamo-fascism-awareness-week/ http://insidehighered.com/news/2007/10/09/islam of course it's being sponsored by these jokers: http://www.horowitzfreedomcenter.org/ so very nice to see that dartmouth is one of the school "participating" (whatever that means) in this moronic clusterfuck...i'm sure the jerkoffs at the dartmouth review will be out on the green playing croquet in season-appropriate attire laughing themselves sick over this as they're strategizing about their upcoming corporate recruiting interviews at goldman sachs... but hey, if these idiots want to goosestep around campuses with their shrill clichés and drape themselves in the mantle of academic and intellectual freedom...sure, why not. if you can't see through these folks you're not worth much anyway. i'm sure the junta is running posted by: publius 10:24 10.10.07 you should stick to the dewey decimal system and cotillion planning, laura...then again, so should your husband, though i can see how the dewey decimal system may give him some problems... http://edition.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/10/myanmar.mrs.bush/index.html I obviously didn't read Publiu posted by: spacehippie 21:46 8.27.07 before posting the same vid in the "A/V Club" thread. But hell, I've already watched it 6 times, and it keeps getting funnier, so a double posting might not be all that bad... not exactly the 15 minutes of posted by: publius 17:41 8.27.07 you hope to have. i feel bad for this girl...but not bad enough to keep me from disseminating it (cnn has already picked it up...) http://youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww nice! posted by: simplicissimus 10:39 8.23.07 http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117970702.html?categoryid=14&cs=1 Virginia is for Gangsta Discip posted by: isidorus 09:37 8.21.07 http://www.wtop.com/?nid=456&sid=1224202 "...a flotilla posted by: publius 15:01 7.3.07 of floating cocaine bundles." now, i'm no grammarian, but it seems to me that perhaps "floating" is not necessary in that sentence. that aside, the image of a cocaine flotilla (floating or otherwise) off the irish coast is just too precious for words.... ______________________ DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) -- Irish navy and coast guard vessels combed the County Cork coast in search of a record haul of cocaine that has been washing up in bales. Police made the discovery accidentally when one of the suspected smugglers swam ashore Monday and reported that a colleague could be drowning after their rubber dingy capsized in heavy seas. That triggered a full search-and-rescue operation -- which found one survivor and a flotilla of floating cocaine bundles. http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/07/03/ireland.cocaine.ap/index.html forget naming restrictions... posted by: publius 14:07 6.21.07 these people shouldn't be allowed to breed at all.... unless of course they're just taking the piss to see what kind of reaction they'd get. in which case it's vaguely amusing. but i kind of doubt that... http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/21/name.child.ap/index.html amen, brother... posted by: publius 19:37 6.18.07 "We hope the police learn a lesson and respect the rights of women to go topless," Rothman said. http://edition.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/18/topless.settlement.ap/index.html i must agree ... posted by: squisshy 18:31 6.15.07 nothing funny about that. this issue becomes more real once the players who are going batty are ones that were more of my era and whom i remember watching vividly. mike webster? well, i remember him, but he was a tad before my time, really. but andre waters? definitely, he used to really lay the wood on people. and strellzick (yes, i know, i've misspelled it but i'm lazy)? definitely remember him along that steeler line and shit, he was only five years older than me, and already worried about the evil ones. although i have been worried about the evil ones at times, that's usually when i'm just out of my gourd temporarily via fungal action rather than permanently via concussive action. update posted by: publius 17:20 6.15.07 there's really nothing funny about this post, but since i originally posted about it on this thread (see post from 9.30.04 above), i figured i'd put the update here for continuity's sake. apparently recent work done on the brain tissue of justin strzelczyk reveals the sort of concussive brain damage that one normally associates with boxers. "Strzelczyk, 6 feet 6 inches and 300 pounds, was a monstrous presence on the Steelers’ offensive line from 1990-98. He was known for his friendly, banjo-playing spirit and gluttony for combat. He spiraled downward after retirement, however, enduring a divorce and dabbling with steroid-like substances, and soon before his death complained of depression and hearing voices from what he called “the evil ones.” He was experiencing an apparent breakdown the morning of Sept. 30, 2004, when, during a 40-mile high-speed police chase in central New York, his pickup truck collided with a tractor-trailer and exploded, killing him instantly." so the question is what effect (if any) the brain damage he sustained as an nfl lineman had on his "decision" to lead police on that chase, which ended with his crashing into a corrosive acid tanker truck (tactfully glossed over as a generic tractor trailer in the nyt story below). the world may never know. but you can bet that the nfl has legal teams figuring out possible ramifications as we speak. watch out for the "evil ones"... http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/15/sports/football/15brain.html i'm not sure which is more amu posted by: publius 21:42 6.5.07 1. the fact that the promotional video caused seizures 2. the fact that the logo was described as resembling a "toileting monkey" i'm going to go with number 2, based solely on the fact that anything with a monkey is inherently funnier than something without one. http://sport.guardian.co.uk/london2012/story/0,,2096488,00.html to see the logo (though not the fit inducing animaton) you can go here: http://main.london2012.com/en/news/archive/2007/June/2007-06-04-12-06.htm vagina... posted by: publius 15:43 5.30.07 http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070530/sc_nm/italy_vagina_dc_2;_ylt=As2f9j_esKNZihvmb.KKg.sE1vAI what happens when a cop steals posted by: simplicissimus 19:27 5.15.07 why, he and his wife bake it in brownies and get so stoned he calls 911, of course: "i think we're dead...time is moving really, really, really slowly" http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/05/video_fix_stone.html oh wait!!!! posted by: simplicissimus 11:11 5.12.07 the above is the second, less funny, installment. the first is what yer looking for: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1557604&vid=144270 see ya at the tiny oscars, mot posted by: simplicissimus 11:10 5.12.07 i'd pay a lot of money to watch 90 minutes of this.... http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1557604&vid=144271 du jour means seat belts posted by: isidorus 08:38 5.11.07 you aren't the only one who saw josie and the pussycats climate change... posted by: publius 23:19 5.10.07 circa 1975... http://denisdutton.com/newsweek_coolingworld.pdf nice reference.... posted by: publius 18:59 4.16.07 10-1 odds say i'm the only one that gets it... anyone? du jour means shyster posted by: simplicissimus 18:58 4.16.07 http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3038944&page=1 gotta love this quote from big posted by: squisshy 17:44 4.12.07 (sharpton) on the whole Imus affair, which i don't think (thankfully) has a post devoted to it on the fort. but i loved this, uttered after MSNBC cancelled him but before CBS radio did: "NBC has done in our judgment what is right," he said, and CBS must not be "the dam holding back the waters of insensitivity." it's great because of how little sense it makes, much like The Wicker Man, http://www.avclub.com/content/node/60305 , which i rented recently (not worth it). but i digress ... if NBC is the dam holding back the waters of insensitivity, wouldn't we want them to keep doing that? don't dams usually hold back floodwaters, and to remove the dam wouldn't we then all be drowning in the waters of insensitivity? i can only scratch my head on this one -- keep oratin', al! the article itself is only vag posted by: publius 14:41 4.7.07 but this line is priceless... "The netty, built in 1890, was then stored in a council depot at South Shields, where it has been the focus of lavatorial projects for the past 10 years." lavatorial projects indeed... http://arts.guardian.co.uk/art/news/story/0,,2049601,00.html and a shot of the original netty painting, if you're interested... http://www.robertolley.co.uk/westoenetty/img4.gif another amusing pratt email... posted by: publius 15:42 3.20.07 the titles of these workshops offered by pratt are straight out of a simpson's episode...i may have to attend one just for the humor value... what a catastrophe! ______________________________ Pratt's Health and Counseling Services proudly offer Spring 2007 Relaxation Workshops for Students Tuesdays at 6pm 17th Floor Lounge Willoughby Residence Hall 60 minute workshops to reduce stress and improve academic performance Guided by Sunna Jung, Ph.D., of Health and Counseling Services March 27 Release and relax: Letting your muscles boost your mood April 3 Let's talk about it: Learning techniques to get along with others April 10 A good nights rest: Enhancing skills to fall and stay asleep April 17 What a catastrophe! Negotiating stressful events April 24 A sigh of relief: Breathing toward wellness May 1 A safe place: Allowing your imagination to take you away. May 8 Release and relax: Letting your muscles boost your mood Sunna Jung, Ph.D., is a temporary staff therapist at Pratt's Health and Counseling Services. Working from the perspective that both our mind and body can express feelings, she focuses on the interconnections among thoughts, emotions, and physiological processes to improve mood, performance, and overall health. She is particularly interested in teaching ways to manage anxiety and depression. For more information contact Pratt Health and Counseling Services at (718)399-4542 ouch. posted by: isidorus 18:28 1.25.07 Never give an iguana Viagra Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:04pm ET14 ANTWERP, Belgium (Reuters) - Mozart, an iguana with an erection that has lasted for over a week, will have his penis amputated in the next couple of days. Veterinarians at Antwerp's Aquatopia had sought to treat the animal's problem, but decided removal was the only solution because of the risk of infection. The good news for Mozart and his mates is that male iguanas have two penises. Mozart, sitting on the shoulders of his keeper as camera crews focused on his red, swollen erection, seemed unperturbed by the news. "It doesn't bother him. He doesn't know what amputation means," said vet Luc Lambrecht, adding that Mozart's sexual activity should be undimmed by the operation. "I don't think so. That's all in his head." © Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved. the idiotarod... posted by: publius 14:22 1.7.07 goes mainstream quick...it is the center of the plot on this week's csi:ny... http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi_ny/ Chicago Grand Prix? posted by: isidorus 10:32 9.11.06 No, it's just those zany promoters at Moonshine, getting busted by the cops on Damen this weekend. http://www.flickr.com/photos/dancomono/237678052/in/photostream/ michael irvin, matchmaker? posted by: isidorus 00:43 6.5.06 believe it... ============================================== http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/fashion/weddings/04vows.html Lisa Bennett and Nick Dolin By MARCELLE S. FISCHLER Published: June 4, 2006 IN November 2001, Nick Dolin and Lisa Bennett, who were producers on HBO's "Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel," headed to Dallas to interview Michael Irvin, the Cowboys receiver. Seated comfortably at the home of his teammate Deion Sanders, Mr. Irvin patiently fielded Mr. Dolin's questions about his self-proclaimed turn away from drug abuse and sexual license to become a born-again Christian. Suddenly Mr. Irvin interviewed the interviewer. Why, he asked Mr. Dolin, weren't he and Ms. Bennett a couple if they worked and traveled together? Mr. Irvin insisted that God had put them together for a reason. Mr. Dolin and Ms. Bennett blushed beet red. "I had to say something," Mr. Irvin has since said. "In that other world, that spiritual world, that soul mate world, there was something going on soul to soul, not body to body." They were friends, compatible co-workers who had an easy repartee. They were both passionate about sports: he loves the Mets, and she's a Phillies fan. But they had traveled to Dallas to work on a story, not to think about each other. "I had had an office romance before," said Ms. Bennett, 34, now a segment producer on "Real Sports." "The very idea of starting up something with Nick was nowhere on the radar screen." Back in New York, Mr. Dolin and Ms. Bennett continued to spend long hours working together. He developed a crush. She acted oblivious. She would sometimes leave the office to go for a run in Central Park and return to work. Mr. Dolin, who played a lot of sports but wasn't a runner, decided to join her. "I had a pretty serious motivation to get around the park," he said. "I wanted to impress her." Five miles into a 6.2-mile run, Ms. Bennett pointed off the course to a dirt hill near 110th Street and suggested they sprint up it 10 times. She said it would be fun. "She is very tough," Mr. Dolin, 41, the coordinating producer of "Costas Now," an HBO sports program with Bob Costas, said. "She is a real jock, and I just always liked that about her." After a while, Mr. Dolin asked Ms. Bennett about ratcheting up their relationship. She turned him down flat. "Nick was my closest friend at the time, and I was not interested in jeopardizing that," she said. The next April, Ms. Bennett and her roommate, Margaret Grossi, needed to fill the third bedroom in a Bahamas cottage for a week's vacation, and they asked Mr. Dolin to join them. When work kept her roommate from going and no one was available to replace her, Ms. Bennett expressed her nervousness to Ms. Grossi. Mr. Dolin was ecstatic. By then he was constantly discussing his infatuation with Ms. Bennett with his older brother, Chris, and his best friends. In the Bahamas, they played tennis and went to the beach. Mr. Dolin fixed dinner every night. "We couldn't have had a better time," Ms. Bennett said. Midweek, Mr. Dolin grilled steaks. They shared a bottle of wine on the patio under a star-filled sky. "That was the moment," Ms. Bennett said. Returning to New York a few days later, they decided to start dating on the sly. "The stakes were really high," Ms. Bennett said. "If something didn't work out, our offices are literally four down from one another on the same hall." Two months after the Bahamas trip, Armen Keteyian was working as a "Real Sports" correspondent with Mr. Dolin and Ms. Bennett on a report about the dangers of aluminum baseball bats. "Something is going on here," Mr. Keteyian remembered thinking, as the banter flowed between the two producers. "It's a lot more than journalism." Last December they were back in the Bahamas. After a run on the beach Mr. Dolin took a diamond and sapphire ring out of a Ziploc bag in his pocket and asked Ms. Bennett to marry him. Three weeks later they learned she was pregnant. In front of 175 guests during their wedding ceremony on May 20 at City Hall, a restaurant in TriBeCa, Ms. Bennett told Mr. Dolin that their perfect union began at work. "We'd edit sometimes until 4 or 5 in the morning," she said. "You'd be the one pushing us to make the best piece possible, and I'd be the one pushing us to make a decision once in a while." After the ceremony, which was led by Patricia Bruder Debrovner, an adjunct leader of the Society for Ethical Culture, guests indulged at a do-it-yourself cheeseburger buffet. It was then that Mr. Dolin surprised Ms. Bennett with a video message from Mr. Irvin. "Your love, even when you were not together, it was a beautiful thing to watch," Mr. Irvin said. "You were like two little kids playing together." Then he suggested that they name their baby after him. "I put you guys together," he said. "Michael, or Michaela if it's a girl." elton john... posted by: publius 16:05 4.17.06 is producing an animated film which combines garden gnomes and shakespeare. anyone want to guess what it's called? why, "gnomeo and juliet", of course... you just can't make this stuff up... http://comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=14097 Some of the underwear is new a posted by: isidorus 22:34 4.11.06 baffling, but hilarious http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200660405028 i can not imagine how outraged posted by: isidorus 23:42 3.9.06 when he saw the videotape http://www.local6.com/news/7840616/detail.html best. lead. in. ever. posted by: simplicissimus 17:14 3.4.06 one question though: how else could one describe an "incident that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store"? i love the use of the passive voice too. nobody placed the fake penis the microwave. rather, it was merely "placed" there "as a result" of the "incident." I hope the woman got the job posted by: isidorus 15:04 3.4.06 because her plan was ingenius. http://www.centredaily.com/mld/centredaily/news/local/14010969.htm the reporters assigned to this article must have had a lot of fun. this is so completely disturbi posted by: publius 08:07 2.21.06 in a document with so many horror shows, it's a little difficult to pick a standout, but i would have to say that his constant repetition of the phrase "vaginal slit" would take that prize.... http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html why wait? posted by: isidorus 18:35 2.14.06 Let's do it this year, in Chi City. http://www.chiditarod.org/ my weekend's open... pictures... posted by: publius 15:05 1.31.06 from this year's event...just so you all know what we're in for next year... http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/idiotarod/ i'm in... posted by: simplicissimus 13:02 1.30.06 never came together... posted by: publius 11:32 1.30.06 putting the team together on such short notice didn't play out...so anyone who's interested start training for 2007.... updates for 2006? posted by: ludwig 11:14 1.30.06 I will do this next year. I swear. it's only tuesday.... posted by: publius 14:17 1.24.06 the race ain't until saturday...do what you gotta do...the team is forming.... can we skip striaght to 2007? posted by: simplicissimus 14:15 1.24.06 cause i'm so down with this that it's making me sick. if i can get a team together.. posted by: publius 13:41 1.24.06 you can definitely look forward to the "iditarod 2006" thread at a fort near you... it's scary because it's true.. posted by: simplicissimus 13:40 1.24.06 ...i just received work of this event and logged on to the internets to email publius about it, as it looked to me (rightly, it seems) as exactly the sort of thing he'd like. and, before i could get to yahoo, i came across his post. godspeed, kind sir. this is what i plan to be doin posted by: publius 12:34 1.24.06 with my saturday. this may be the best idea for an event i've ever run across. and the laissez faire attitude is tremendous... mush! mush! mush! http://www.precisionaccidents.com/ "i know this sounds crazy..." posted by: publius 15:49 12.27.05 yeah, just a bit. the real question here is what this judge was thinking in the first place... http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/27/people.letterman.restraining.ap/index.html this is at least two insane pe posted by: ludwig 14:21 12.22.05 http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/comic/david-letterman/ Read down. the obsession with Letterman is disturbing. this is...odd... posted by: publius 00:03 12.22.05 Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering." http://edition.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/21/people.letterman.restraining.ap/index.html ali g is an agent provocateur. posted by: publius 16:18 11.15.05 "We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way," Kazakh Foreign Ministry spokesman Yerzhan Ashykbayev told a news briefing. http://us.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/11/15/kazakhstan.comedian.reut/index.html in all my (considerable) time posted by: publius 20:42 10.30.05 i have never heard of the penalty just called against the patriots. the referee said that a member of the patriots "had committed an unnatural act with the intent to draw the offensive team offsides". an unnatural act? the commentary team was pretty stunned as well. theismann (i think) made some comment that it sounded a bit risque to happen in a football game... strangely there was no instant replay of said act. fcc regulations, i guess... my weekend posted by: horsebeater 09:23 9.6.05 i was out on vacation last week, culminating in my brother's wedding on Sunday. He and his bride had painstakingly reviewed and chosen their band: a "New Orleans style" jazz band. Although many of the songs had no lyrics, the ones that did often mentioned "Bourbon Street," or "N'orleans," etc. The bandleader ultimately said something about Katrina (I think you have to in that situation): "I'd just like to take a moment to recognize the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina and to New Orleans." HB's drunken idiot cousin, who was apparently unaware of the hurricane: "WOO HOO. NEW ORLEANS, YEAH!!" of all of the interesting and posted by: publius 03:00 9.2.05 one could have to hurricane katrina, this is surely the most absurdly saccharine... and given the circumstances, isn't "filling the bucket" a peculiarly inappropriate metaphor.... __________________ Pratt Institute joins with the world community in expressing its heartfelt compassion and sorrow for the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina. We are concerned for all of the victims and their families. The Student Affairs staff has reached out to students known to be from the affected areas. If you know of any community members who were impacted by this tragedy, please share their names and contact information with us by e-mailing us at studentaffairs@pratt.edu or urge them to contact us themselves. In order to meet the needs of community members we have set up the following services: For the next few weeks, the Pratt Health and Counseling Office will be open for walk-in counseling Monday-Friday, from 9AM-5PM, on the ground floor of Willoughby Hall in Brooklyn. Evening appointments are also available. Those needing support may also schedule an appointment with a counselor on the Pratt Manhattan campus on Tuesday afternoons. If you feel a need to speak to someone about your feelings regarding the storm or if you need assistance of any kind, I encourage you to reach out to either of these offices. You can drop by during the walk-in periods or schedule an appointment with a counselor by calling (718) 399-4542. Campus clergy are also available for counseling and assistance. A list of available clergy and their contact information can be found on the web at www.pratt.edu/ministry/index.html. Pratt is also organizing a fundraising campaign. Red Cross donation canisters will be placed in many student services offices and in the Cafeteria, Prattstore and Prattcopy Center. In addition, Pratt will soon hold a blood drive designated for hurricane victims. If you are interested in helping with this campaign, contact Emma Legge, director of Student Activities at elegge@pratt.edu. In situations such as this, in which damage and devastation are so pervasive, the need can seem overwhelming. Individual efforts often feel like a drop in the bucket. But there is strength in numbers. Please join together with other members of the Pratt community in helping to fill the bucket. Sincerely, Helen Matusow-Ayres Vice President, Student Affairs oh for fuck's sake.... posted by: publius 10:41 11.16.04 for the first time i can remember i find myself siding with rush limbaugh...how do these people manage to navigate the world? http://www.bocaratonnews.com/index.php?src=news&category=Local%20News&prid=10210 i ate a book... posted by: nelson_the_dog 23:13 11.5.04 then licked myself. and i'd do it again. and again. "it's on all the music..." posted by: publius 23:06 11.5.04 http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=583&e=1&u=/nm/20041105/od_nm/life_sex_dc if you can look through this s posted by: publius 17:31 10.21.04 and not laugh in spite of yourself...you're dead. http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=102 http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=344 http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=355 here's one for panurge, the swedish phantom... http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=341 the shirt is rather lame... posted by: publius 00:33 10.8.04 but some of the quotes from these defenders-of-male-gymnasts as they work themselves into a tizzy over it are priceless: "A corporation that doesn’t see the harm in a racial slur might well have missed the harm in one that makes fun of male gymnasts." if anyone can read that statement and not burst out laughing, they are dead.... http://www.tribnet.com/news/story/5638500p-5569773c.html for those of you who are donnie darko fans (as you should be) this reporter reminds me so much of the patrick swayze character and the little human interest kid of one of the kids in one his motivational videos (compare: donnie darko - "i'm not afraid anymore!" a+f article: "I’m not a loser.") that it almost has to be by design. someone cue up sparkle motion... speaking of sparkle motion, apparently little nicole missed the call about the boycott: http://www.insidegymnastics.com/news/article.asp?article=00378 "Nicole: I love shopping. It’s immediately what I go to. [My favorite stores are Abercrombie [& Fitch], 5 7 9, Forever, Hollister, a million more!" but the best super-saccharine soundbite from this whole thing is: "No individual, regardless of race, gender, age, intelligence or athletic ability, can or should be deemed a loser," [USA Gymnastics president] Colarossi wrote in a letter to Michael Jeffries, chief executive officer of Abercrombie & Fitch. http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2004/10/07/sports1833EDT0278.DTL i think the only thing funnier than male gymnasts with their panties in a bunch is the canadian army in the same situation... -publius (ex-male gymnast, no association whatsoever with the canadian army) well what are the odds of that posted by: publius 17:54 9.30.04 "HERKIMER, N.Y. (AP) -- Justin Strzelczyk, a former player for the Pittsburgh Steelers, died Thursday in a fiery head-on collision with a tanker truck after he led state troopers on a 40-mile highway chase during morning rush hour. State police identified Strzelczyk , 36, an offensive lineman with the Steelers for nearly a decade until the team released him in February 2000. Troopers said Strzelczyk crashed his pickup truck into the westbound tanker carrying corrosive acid just moments after swerving around a tractor-trailer that pulled across the highway to block the eastbound lanes." he crashed into A CORROSIVE ACID TANKER...i love it...straight out of the simpsons... http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-obit-strzelczyk&prov=ap&type=lgns this is classic.... posted by: publius 13:29 9.28.04 i received this "warning" from the administration of my school. somehow i think eddie murphy and dan akroyd are involved....or the ca$h money brothers....the whole thing is hilarious in so many ways... _________________________ Several incidents have been reported during the past few weeks where students have been the victims of a "scam" while walking in the street outside the campus boundaries. All incidents reported are virtually identical. The student, while walking is deliberately bumped by an individual in what appears to be a simple accident. After the bumping occurs, the perpetrator drops a glass vial to the ground containing a white powdery substance. The glass vial breaks scattering the white powdery substance on the ground. The perpetrator becomes visibly upset, claiming that the powder was a controlled substance designated for sale on the streets. He further states that the victim must "make good" with his supplier. If not, he will face certain bodily harm or other retaliation. The person tells the victim that he/she will also be held responsible for this action. Thereafter, the student victims are intimidated for fear of bodily harm inflicted upon them by the alleged drug dealer. Ultimately, the victim reimburses the seler for the street cost of the white substance in order to avoid any harm. The students, in separate incidents and at various locations off campus, begin a series of payments to the alleged drug dealer, which have amounted to several thousand dollars. This "scam" only comes to a close when the assailant becomes satisfied with the students payment. This is a crime! If anyone is approached or has knowledge of a similar situation, he/she should immediately notify the Police and campus security. The 88 precinct Detective Squad is investigating all incidences and can be contacted at 718-636-6547. All calls will be kept confidential. Thank you. Ed Ranieri Assistant Director of Security _____________________________________________ and here's the follow up on these ruffians...i feel much safer now....thank YOU ed ranieri.... ___________________________________________ I am very pleased to announce that the person responsible for the numerous scams committed against our students has been arrested. This very quick action is the direct result of the proactive and effective efforts by the Detectives of the 88th Precinct. The detectives stated that this arrest was possible because of the cooperation of several student complainants. Thank you. Ed Ranieri Asst. Director of Security and even if it weren't true... posted by: publius 21:49 8.13.04 this would still be pretty hilarious... http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=583&e=2&u=/nm/20040813/od_nm/odd_britain_rabbit_dc